Thursday, April 25, 2013


It's been an emotionally draining couple of days, and today I feel like I'm on the most unstable roller coaster ever inflicted on innocent bystanders with heart conditions.

All the irritating stuff is still going on. Except Steve's daughter has started hiding Ian's toothbrush. Yeah, I know how that sounds, and I honestly don't understand the point of it. I made a big deal out of it the other night, then wound up getting him a new one out of the cupboard before she miraculously "found" his old one. Whatever, it was looking a bit trashed anyway, so I threw it out. He's got a new one. They share a battery operated toothbrush, so it's just the brush heads that need to be replaced. I decided to put his new brush head in his bathroom drawer with the idea that it may stop the head from going "missing" again. Last night, it was once again gone. I was seriously pissed off, but I haven't said a word- possibly explaining my exhaustion today. Instead, I went to the cupboard and got him another one, once again putting it in the drawer when he was done. If it disappears again, there may be a death.

Anyway, the other thing taking up a lot of my energy is positive (I think). I was on the job boards online, again, and decided to apply for a position working in a snack bar. In order to apply for said position, though, you have to sign up to this agency thing, and they scan all potential applicants, send job listings to applicants, yadda yadda yadda. Seriously, it's a snack bar. Do you need a blood sample, too?

One of the "benefits" that this agency offers, though, is an education adviser to "make you more attractive to potential employers." I went into the conversation with the attitude of "yeah, I'd love to go back to school, but I don't have a spare $30K laying around." Which is what it was going to cost last time I looked into school a couple of weeks ago.

As it turns out, the stuff I did 10 years ago still counts, I've got about 30 credits to go to earn my Associates degree! And because I've always gotten good grades I apparently qualify for a scholarship. And because we're poor I qualify for a grant and a student loan! I may be able to get my Associate's in Small Business Management for about $1,000. That's not too bad.

But now it's brought up that idealistic dream of owning our own business. Every 30 minutes today, I've been doing complete 180 flips of emotional highs and lows. Filled with hope one minute, I come crashing down into a deep insecure puddle of mush. It's making me feel a bit like I've been beaten with a bus.

See? I'm not even making sense anymore. Not that I usually do, but still! That's not the point.

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