I'm so frustrated with life, the universe, and everything right now. And the reasons for that are numerous. To name a few:
1. I've been taking a belly dance class though the city. It saves most of what's left of my sanity, even though it's not my favorite style- I prefer Modern Fusion and the class is Egyptian. Not that it means much to anyone who's not a belly dancer, but it's just a fact. Anywho, the classes expo is coming up in 1 week from today. Earlier than any other year according to the girls in the class. It's my first one having just moved here, so I'm not really qualified to say. We're performing at said expo. The city council notified our teacher of the date of the expo 4 weeks before the date! We had 4 weeks to prepare a performance. And it's going to rock! If we get to perform it. See, the city council can't actually confirm that we'll be performing, or that they're keeping the damned class! What the what?
2. Along the same lines as number one. I decided to pull out my costumes having found them in one of the boxes we've been unpacking. Only to find out they don't fit! Yeah, all the weight I've gained means most of my clothes are way too small now. Just another joy of being a fat girl. I do have a costume that I ordered, but there's a lot of work to do on it to be able to wear it. And I only have a week.
3. Again, along the same lines. I really want to teach. I want to run classes in Modern Fusion style, and have a great excuse to work out even harder than I already am. So, I sent in the application form to the city council. There must be a bunch of chimps working there, though, because I haven't heard a peep back from them. And when I brought up how disappointed I was in class, the ladies there all said not to expect anything from them. Apparently, a few of the ladies tried to volunteer for the city and they never heard back. Makes me wonder what the hell the city council workers are actually doing.
4. Why am I still getting bigger? Hungry all the time because I'm not eating as much as my stupid body wants. Exercising hard out 5-6 times a week. It's not right and it's not fair.
5. Crafts not going right.
6. Business a lost dream.
7. No friends. Actually, this one has been hard on me for a long time. After leaving high school, I lost so much of what was important because it turned out my friends were only my friends to get something. Not because they actually liked me. Then I made a new group of friends, whom I've never met- they're all online. Say what you will, but it works. Until it doesn't.
I've always thought of myself as spiritual. I agree with Buddhist, Wiccan, Pagan... but most people around me are Christian. Fine. But it's not for me. At all.
This past week, one of my online friends announced she has a jewelry booth at a Pagan festival, and was trying to get ideas of what to make that would have a good chance at selling there. Seems her very religious mother is very against it, which is irksome enough, but I'm willing to ignore that. What's incredibly hard to take, though, is when a bunch of people in the group start saying what a bunch of weirdos the people at the Pagan fest are. "Unwashed masses" was one of the terms slung out. I honestly feel like I'm being attacked by people who have come to mean as much to me as my own family.
It's just another blow to my ego. It's not that people don't care about each other, I've seen enough to prove that's not true. It's just that no one gives a shit about me.