Sunday, May 26, 2013

Down the rabbit hole, but not in the way that you think

I'm back down in the bottom of my deep dark hole.

Go away pervert, I'm not in the mood.

Basically, it started with Facebook telling me I'm wrong and a bad person. How did they do this? By saying that the link I posted to my wall showing that New York state has deemed arresting women for being topless is unconstitutional on the basis of discrimination is inciting hate speech. I'm still a little bit confused as to how that's hate speech, but fine, whatever.

So I started using google +  instead because the people running the show over there don't seem to have a stick the size of a redwood up their ass. It's refreshing. But all my friends are over on Facebook. I'm alone. I have no support network, or at least a significantly smaller one since now it's just Steve. And there is far too much crazy in my head for just one person to abate. And having just started school again, I'm really in need of that support network. So I thought, well, I'll check my Facebook and see if I've got any messages wondering why I haven't been on all week when I'm usually on several times a day.

Nope. No one gives a flying fuck if I'm around or not. Correction, things seem to be better if I'm not around. Fine. I'll leave you all alone and go fight my monsters by myself. Maybe I'll just make friends with my monsters. They seem to understand me better.

So yeah. That's where I am. I think that's where I'm gonna stay. It's a lot safer in the dark. If you don't try to get help, you can't be hurt when people tell you to fuck off. I still hurt, but at least they can't make it any worse. At least I know where I stand now, and I don't feel like such a huge idiot. Well  I do, but that's from the realization that I was deluding myself for so long.

I'll smile, tell everyone that I'm doing good. Such a weight off my chest, you know? And I'm getting so much more done now!

Except I'm not. Why should I?

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