Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Day one...oh my god

My doctor's office decided I should do a metabolic cleanse because they agree I'm still too fat, but whereas I'm excited about the 10+ pounds that have left my body, they seem less than impressed. Way to keep me motivated, bastards.

Anyway, I had to delay it it a bit for personal reasons, so yesterday was day number one. My god what have I done?

Let me explain. On this particular cleanse, there is no coffee, no soda, no caffeine or sugar of any kind actually, which also rules out chocolate. And I'm PMSing. Quite possibly I've been set up for failure.

Yesterday I was starving to death. That was in addition to the headache from the depths of Tartarus that threatened to make my head explode and implode at the same moment surely causing some sort of rip in the space time continuum thereby bringing the downfall of the human race. And hey, great news, the headache is even worse this morning!

According to the diet plan, you shouldn't be hungry at all. Why not? Because you can eat all the nuts, fruits, seeds, and rice cakes you want! Wow! Really? Oh no wait, I'm not a squirrel. I ate myself sick on fruits, nuts, seeds, and rice cakes yesterday. You know what happened? I was starving, my stomach was upset, and I had to run to the toilet so many times I lost count. The inherent problem with being able to eat as much fruit, seeds, nuts, and rice cakes as you want is that what if you don't want that?

Honestly, all I really want right now is a coffee. I want a coffee so bad right now I may actually cry.

I didn't really plan this one out very well. Most of the time my brain is foggy and sluggish, and if I have to remember anything for any length of time, I have to write it down. This cleanse is making that so much worse. I'm exhausted. Physically and mentally. Pulling my body out of bed this morning took an act of congress, and we know how efficient they are! This afternoon I get to go to the DMV to take my motorcycle permit test. If I pass, I will be amazed. And then, this weekend, I do my motorcycle class. It's an hour away. It starts at 7:30 in the freakin' morning Saturday and Sunday! I CAN'T HAVE COFFEE AND I FEEL LIKE OBLIVION!

That's just craptastic.

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